Monthly Archives: August 2014
Last week I wrote about what people think about me. I asked my harshest critics what my worst feature was, and what they thought about me physically when I walk into a room. I discovered no one thought like that. Their harshest criticism was my feet.
Since I have been thinking, well great, I basically went out and told all of you, there is no need to hire me; my job is not necessary. But I don’t believe that, if I did, I wouldn’t take time away from my family every day focusing on styling other women. Which is so important to me.
So here are my reasons why it’s important to me, but more so why it should be important to you why what you look like matters.
- Feeling good on the outside, promotes feeling better on the outside.
My weight has always fluctuated. When I was at my highest, I really didn’t care all that much. I was so happy in what I was doing. Interestingly enough I naturally started to lose weight right around then.
Why? How? What’s my magic secret?
I felt good about myself. I was a partner at Vive La Femme. I had access to amazing clothes. They fit properly, they were adorable, and they looked good on me. And this is not by someone else’s standards; this is just what I thought. I felt awesome every morning. And then I naturally wanted to feel better. I was happy. I didn’t eat as much. I wanted to go out and show off my great clothes.
In other words dress for you, but dress well. As sleep begets sleep, good dressing on the outside begets good looks on the outside.
- Because you have to.
I know your job does not want you to show up naked even if you’re a stripper you still have some tassels!
I’m also pretty sure work is not a fan of sweats. If you don’t work, comfort might be the name of the game, but you still leave the house. Nude is probably not the best bet, especially in Chicago winters. So shouldn’t you have fun getting dressed in the morning? Shouldn’t you feel good about what you are wearing? If you work from home and can be in your sweats all day, then may I suggest cute sweats with a sense of style, different from your go to bed sweats. You get so much more done when you look the part. It’s good for your daily moral, and it’s good for productivity. There are countless studies done to show this. There is a reason they want you to dress the part at work. So go for it. You will get so much more accomplished and you will feel so good about yourself.
- No one cares when you look good, but everyone cares when you look ridiculous.
Do you read yelp reviews? People love to say something bad about a place, even if they are giving positive reviews. When you catch yourself gossiping I can bet that even if you are saying something positive, there is something outlandish that is making you talk about the person or event. We don’t stop to smell the roses, but we will check out the car accident on the side of the road. Why do we do all this? Because we are curious, because we are caught off guard, because it’s part of our culture. So although no one cares what I look like, it’s also because I don’t walk around in a full on clown suit. We all like to have our own personal style, and exhibit our personalities, but we also like to blend in as well.
I got married in Key West during Fantasy Fest. There were guys running around in banana hammocks. Everyone down there for my wedding was cracking up and staring at the guys. All the locals barely noticed. Why? And why did these guys do it? Well they probably did it because that is their style. The locals didn’t care because it blended with what they were used to, and it was part of their culture. It cracked my guests up because it was completely outside of our norm, especially because it was late October. So it’s important to maintain that balance.
- Because faking it ‘til you make it, really does work.
When I’m in my heavier modes, as I have been post baby lately. I feel bad about myself. I think how could my husband find me attractive, or my clothes don’t fit today, and here I am supposed to be a professional. Even if these thoughts only last a second, there they are, and they permeate into you. This needs to stop. My husband DOES find me attractive, and I can have a bad day and still be good at my job. But when I have the right tools to do my job better, or feel better, then I am better at what I do. I know my husband always finds me attractive, but when I wear the outfits he likes, I feel better, and then I feel even better when he validates it. When I have a bad day, and want to live on the couch in PJ’s, I take all I have and put my favorite outfit on, and maybe even some mascara. I do this because then when I catch myself in the mirror I don’t have those nagging thoughts in the back of my head that pull me down. I do this because nine times out of ten I am feeling good by the afternoon. It takes a lot of effort to get dressed on those days, and it takes even more effort not to beat myself up on those mornings. I don’t do it for others; I don’t do it to show off my clothes, I do it so I can feel better about myself.
Point of all this is that you should enjoy your body, enjoy your clothes. Do it all for you. Don’t worry about what other’s think, but worry about what you think. If you feel good in what you are wearing, it’s going to affect all aspects of your life in the positive. Reach out to me with questions or hire me here.
With my hiatus I took the time to ask the question we all fear the answer to.
I wanted to know what people really thought of me physically.
I asked my toughest critics. I went to those closest to me. These are the people I know who will be honest with me no matter what. The ones who I know accept me no matter what, but who I want their approval from. The ones who I hope only see me as perfect, and yet I know they don’t, that is why I love them.
I asked 5 questions, all of which I answered myself first.
1. What was your first impression of me when we first met?
2. What is the first thing you notice about me when I enter a room now?
3. How would you describe me physically?
4. What is my biggest flaw physically?
5. What is my biggest attribute physically?
It is question four that I was really curious about. This is also the one that I was most scared of.
My theory when I set out to do this was that we beat ourselves up way more than our toughest critics. I was convinced that no matter how horribly I saw myself that others would see me kinder, maybe not kind, but kinder.
I WAS WRONG! I DISCOVERED WAY MORE
Taking the tone and emotional baggage out of actual words is freeing
First I tried to imagine what everyone would say. I believed all the things that we as women say about ourselves, especially that I thought everyone’s first descriptor and answer to question four would be FAT. At first I heard the answers in my worst critic’s voice, the one that hurts to the bone. Then I forced myself to put it in each person’s voice. Many of these were still hurtful in their voice. Finally I tried to put it in no voice, just a factual statement. You are fat=the pen is blue. I found when I took the emotion out of it it was no big deal. Like I didn’t know I was fat? I mean that is why I am here and writing this blog. It’s no big surprise. I don’t mind that the world knows. Again I write about it, and of course I go out into the world. By looking at the word as a word, and not as underlying emotions, I was prepared to take on my critics.
What my answers said about me
I am really mean to myself. I really went for the jugular. I mean if I can’t who would, right? I should be honest with myself, and not hide. I realized after this whole experiment was over this thinking is so WRONG! We should be kind to ourselves. We should cut ourselves a break. Who would, if I wouldn’t? We are way too harsh on ourselves. I went for a walk yesterday and beat myself up because it wasn’t a run. Instead I should have been proud that it was a walk, instead of watching tv. It’s time we are nicer to ourselves.
And the biggest thing I learned from all of this:
NO ONE CARES!
I mean this in the nicest, kindest, best, most motivating way possible. I asked those closest to me, those that support me through thick and thin. I thought the answers would be flooding in. Nope. I got only four emails back, and one verbal. Of those emails two just didn’t answer. They started too, and then veered off into other subjects. So my friends and family were supportive of me and tried, but their life got in the way of mine- as it should. My fears of what they thought of me, was way down on their priority list. My new theory to this is that they don’t sit around and think about me physically. When I walk into a room, they don’t think “here comes the fat girl” nor do they think “here comes the girl with the big smile” they just think here comes Brooklyn. So if they are not spending their time thinking about me, why am I spending my time thinking about what they might be thinking of me. So I’m going to stop thinking about it.
And for the record the worst things I did hear about myself from the answers I got:
- My feet are ugly. (They really, really are. Better my feet than my face)
- We all could stand to be a bit taller. (At 5’2” I wouldn’t mind being able to reach the top of my cabinets)
I’m so glad I asked the question. Now I’m going to let it go, and stop letting it take up space and quit worrying. I’m going to be kinder to myself, and cut myself that break. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. I asked a tough question and expected boogie man answers and instead got rainbows and glitter.