Monthly Archives: November 2015

If You’re Walking On Thin Ice- 6 ways to Survive the Holidays

So I could go on and on about the first five, but I know you are really interested in the one that will change your waistline.  So let’s pretend I am writing about the first five here.  Ready:

  1. Blah blah blah- don’t stress
  2. Blah blah blah blah- you only have to see them a few times a year
  3. Blah blah blah blah blah- you know what go ahead and say what you want to say
  4. Blah blah blah blah blah blah- so you didn’t get a great gift, next year go buy yourself what you really want, nah do it now
  5. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah- it’s a mess, go with it

And now let’s get to the plus one that I am doing this year and how it will change my waistline.  I should take a before and after pic, to show you the impact, but I’m not going too.  Sorry.  What is it, you ask?  The all important thing to get through the holidays, that will have a dramatic impact on your waistline is…drumroll (ala Christmas Vacation)…FUCK IT!  Seriously fuck it all.  Sorry to be harsh but this is the holidays, and let’s face it ladies even on the best of the holidays we are in survival mode.  I mean true survival mode.  Between trying to impress families (yours, his, Bob’s and Jane’s, it doesn’t matter), and keeping kids and husbands (or boyfriends or significant others) happy, and buying gifts, and grocery shopping, and trying to take care of ourselves, not to mention if you have a job outside of the home on top of it (although if you work outside of the home at least you have a place to run to),  we are just trying to get through the damn celebrations and ENJOY them.  What are we crazy?  Yes, yes I am at least.

So after years and years of stressing over all of it, and trying to protect my waistline, and do it all perfectly I am throwing in the white towel.  I give.  I decided to just enjoy this holiday season.

Here is how it is going down. I will make dozens upon dozens of cookies. I will eat dozens upon dozens of cookies.  Every great holiday treat that comes into work, I will eat.  It will be fantastic.  My house- a complete mess, and one I am proud of.  It will be organized in 2016 sometime-maybe 2017.  I’m okay with it.  Stress on Christmas Eve- not going to have it.  Chili and cookies, and apps ahead of time, and cocktails and when it looks like there could be stress, then Cards against Humanity.  There is nothing that relieves stress more than being buzzed and explaining to your 70+ year old family what “balls deep” means.  I highly recommend it. Christmas day cheesy eggs, and bacon and sausage and lox and just yummmmmmmmmmmmmm- I will eat it all.  In laws- I can’t control, they do what they want to do.  And when it all ends and I don’t get a particular gift, and the house is a mess, and everyone goes home, you know what I’ll do, eat the leftovers, order more food, top it off with the cookies, and have a drink, and laugh that I actually enjoyed it all.

Cookies upon cookies upon cookies upon cookies upon cookies- all to eat

Cookies upon cookies upon cookies upon cookies upon cookies- all to eat

My waistline will have drastically changed. I’ll gain a ton of weight this holiday season. But the thing is I do every season.  This season I just don’t care.  Furthermore I’ll let the bulk of the stresses roll off my back.  My life, my family, our house, and our family’s control- We as a nuclear family will do what we want, and what is best for us.  When I’ve had enough, I’ll stop.  When I want something I’ll eat it.  If someone thinks my house is a mess, or the food isn’t good enough, they can leave.  It will be fantastically liberating!  These people are my best friends and family and either they love me for who I am or they don’t.  Those that don’t, don’t need to be around me.  And here’s the thing I’m sick of giving up mine, and my families, wants and needs for a great holiday.  So I won’t.  I’ll laugh and smile and enjoy and the world will be removed from my shoulders.  I urge you all to try it.  It’s worth the waistline issues.

I am a huge advocate for being healthy- not thin to be thin- but being healthy.  A big part of that is your mental health.  If you need to indulge in your vices, within reason, to get through the holidays and enjoy then do it.  Because you will end up doing it anyway, but you probably won’t enjoy.  So as a friend used to tell me if you are walking on thin ice you might as well dance!

Because I love Elf...Because I love fashion...Because I love the holidays

Because I love Elf…Because I love fashion…Because I love the holidays